bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
