K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
