and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
