had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
