Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
