Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did i walk over a car last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
