we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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