i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And then he peed in my hair
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