Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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