let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
