I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
