No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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