Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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