I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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