i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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