Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
