Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
