i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
