We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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