Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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