it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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