so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i now understand why vodka
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
