she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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