My friends, they love my intelligence
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
