my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
