Welp...herpes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is that a dick in a sweater?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
