I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
