It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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