the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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