FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
