Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
