O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
