Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
