I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
