they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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