about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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