i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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