On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
