how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
