Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize