i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
