i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
