me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize