vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
