a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
