you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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