i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
