we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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