Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
