woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
