so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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