you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?