she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
