"it" just moved
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
