How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
