She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
