Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
