Sry I called you an 8
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
