i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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